Kindergarten
Building self-esteem: babies and children
Babies and self-esteem
Newborns and very young babies don’t see themselves as being their own person. This means they don’t really have self-esteem.
You can still lay the groundwork for healthy self-esteem by:
- caring for your baby gently
- responding when your baby cries
- giving lots of cuddles and smiles.
All of this tells your baby that she is loved and lovable.
Self-esteem is about liking yourself and who you are. For children, it comes from knowing that you’re loved and that you belong to a family that values you. You can read more about children’s self-esteem.
Toddlers and self-esteem
Toddlers are beginning to develop an understanding of themselves, what they can do and what makes them who they are.
Your toddler wants to make more decisions – and it’s a good idea to let him have a go at deciding between safe, toddler-friendly options, like which toy to play with or which hat to wear. As they learn, toddlers realise that they have the power to make things happen, which adds to their developing self-esteem.
But children at this age still see themselves through your eyes, so you have a very important role to play in building your toddler’s self-esteem. Here are some ideas:
- Let your child explore her environment but be present and ready to respond to her if she needs you. For example, your child might like stacking blocks but get a fright when they fall down. She needs you to let her know it’s OK.
- Let your toddler make reasonable decisions – for example, whether to have jam or vegemite on toast. This gives toddlers an exciting sense of control, which helps to develop confidence and a sense of self.
- Give your child the chance to say ‘no’. Toddlers need to assert themselves. For example, if your child says no when you ask him to put a jacket on, that’s OK. Getting cold won’t hurt him. Your child is learning to make decisions and might often practise by saying ‘no’, even if he actually wants what you’re offering.
- Coach your child through tricky social situations. Toddlers might find it hard to share and take turns because they’re learning who they are and what’s theirs. So you can say, ‘It’s my turn to have the red block now. Great sharing – well done!’.
Toddlers learn about themselves by discovering what they look like – for example, mirrors provide hours of fun. They’re also discovering what they can do, and ‘I do it’ is often a favourite expression. And they’re working out where they belong, often by seeking out their loved ones for comfort and reassurance.
Preschoolers and self-esteem
By around three years, most children realise that their bodies and minds belong to them. Most children can cope with some time away from their families by now, because they feel safe and loved. At this age, they often like to compare themselves with others, and will ask whether they’re the biggest, fastest or best at whatever they’re doing.
Balanced feedback is a good way to respond. For example, you can say:
- ‘I think you’re the best four-year-old painter I know!’
- ‘Alex is a faster runner than you, but you’re better at catching a ball.’
This lets children feel pride in themselves, but sends the message that other people are important and can do things well too.
Primary school-age children and self-esteem
At school, children might compare themselves with their friends and classmates. This can put a dent in their self-esteem. Theymight feel less capable than others for the first time. New rules and learning new things can be a challenge for some children.
Here are some ways you can help:
- Give extra love and cuddles at the end of the school day.
- Focus on your child’s strengths and the effort she puts in. Praise your child for what she’s good at, and let her know you’re proud of her for trying things she finds difficult.
- Teach your child about fair play. He needs chances to win and lose.
- Coach your child through tricky social situations – for example, ‘Try giving a big smile when you want to join in. People will want to play with you if you look happy’. You could try role-playing these situations with your child first.
- Give your child the chance to try new activities and learn new things.
- Foster a good relationship between school and home by talking with the teacher to find out how your child is going. It’s also good to get involved in school life if you can, and show interest in your child’s schoolwork and homework.
- Watch out for the signs of learning problems, and bullying or other social difficulties that can affect your child’s self-esteem.
At primary school, self-esteem tends to relate to many things – including how well children learn, how they look, how they do at sport and how easily they make friends.
Looking after your own self-esteem
When it comes to your wellbeing, keep in mind that children learn a lot about self-esteem by watching their parents. Here are some tips for boosting your own self-esteem – and modelling good self-esteem for your children at the same time:
- Take pride in your achievements, and talk about the things you’re good at. For example, ‘I cooked a great risotto tonight’.
- Show your child how to handle failure in a healthy way. For example, if the risotto didn’t turn out well, one response might be ‘I am a hopeless cook’. But a healthier response is ‘That’s a shame – something went wrong this time. I’ll try again next week’.
- Use positive self-talk, and avoid criticising yourself in front of your children. For example, ‘Exercise isn’t my favourite thing, but it’s good for my body to go for a walk – so here I go!’.
- Look after yourself. Do some things that are fun. For example, learn something new, take a relaxing bubble bath, play sport, read a book, go for a walk or listen to music.
- Spend some time with friends who are positive and support you.
- Make regular time to be together with those close to you.
If a health issue is affecting your self-esteem, it’s a good idea to talk to your GP.
Understanding children’s behaviour in the preschool years
Preschoolers need limits that guide them as they grow and explore. Limits and routines give your child security, and help her take on responsibilities when she’s ready.
Preschoolers are trying to understand the world around them so they might sometimes get a bit distracted by what’s going on around them. A good rule is to always allow another 30 minutes when doing things with your preschooler.
Preschool children are also still learning the everyday things that we take for granted, like how we talk to each other. For example, you might think your preschooler isn’t listening to you – but he might be just trying to figure out what someone said five minutes ago.
Going to preschool
At this age, children can really benefit from going to preschool. This is where they can start learning about other people’s rules and how to get along with other children in an organised group. Preschool gives your child the chance to play with other children and practice friendship skills.
At this age, children can really benefit from going to preschool. This is where they can start learning about other people’s rules and how to get along with other children in an organised group. Preschool gives your child the chance to play with other children and practice friendship skills.
Some children settle into preschool well. Others take a while to get used to it, and some children might even have fears about starting preschool. It’s worth sticking with it and helping your child settle in at preschool.
For most children, preschool is a positive experience. But sometimes preschoolers can experience bullying. Here are some tips on how to spot if your child is being bullied and what to do about bullying at preschool.
What to expect from preschool children’s behaviour
Tantrums and other troubles
If your child has tantrums, it might help to know that this behaviour is still very common among children aged 18-36 months. Hang in there – tantrums tend to lessen after children turn four.
If your child has tantrums, it might help to know that this behaviour is still very common among children aged 18-36 months. Hang in there – tantrums tend to lessen after children turn four.
Your child might also have some strong opinions about eating – for example, what kind of food she eats and when. If so, a good rule to keep in mind is that you’re responsible for making healthy food available on a regular basis. Your child can be responsible for deciding how much of the food she eats.
Some fights are a fact of life when kids get together. A few factors affect fighting – temperament, environment, age and skills. You can work with these factors to handle fighting in your family.
Habits and lying
Lots of children have habits – for example, biting nails. Your child’s habits might bother you, but usually it’s nothing to worry about. Most habits go away by themselves.But if your child’s habit is interfering with everyday activities, you can try to help your child break the habit.
Lots of children have habits – for example, biting nails. Your child’s habits might bother you, but usually it’s nothing to worry about. Most habits go away by themselves.But if your child’s habit is interfering with everyday activities, you can try to help your child break the habit.
You might have caught your child telling the occasional lie. Lying is part of a child’s development, and it often starts around three years of age. Children aged 4-6 years usually lie a bit more than children of other ages. It’s often better to teach children the value of honesty and telling the truth than to punish them for small lies.
Anxiety
Anxiety is a normal part of children’s development, and preschoolers often fear being on their own and in the dark.
Anxiety is a normal part of children’s development, and preschoolers often fear being on their own and in the dark.
If your child shows signs of anxiety, you can support him by acknowledging his fear, gently encouraging him to do things he’s anxious about and praising him when he does. It’s also good to avoid labels like ‘shy’ or ‘anxious’. Step in to help your child only when he actually gets anxious. If shyness or anxiety is affecting your child’s life at home or preschool, see your GP for advice.
Don’t worry if your child has a imaginary friend at this age. Make-believe mates grow out of healthy, active imaginations, give children a great way to express their feelings, and give children someone to practise social skills with.
Changing preschool children’s behaviour: some tips
Use reminders
Preschoolers have short memories and are easily distracted. You might need to remind your child about things several times.
Preschoolers have short memories and are easily distracted. You might need to remind your child about things several times.
Share feelings
If you can honestly tell your preschooler how her behaviour affects you, she can recognise her own emotions in yours, like a mirror, and be able to feel for you. So you might say, ‘I'm getting upset because there’s so much noise, and I can’t talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to change things for your sake.
If you can honestly tell your preschooler how her behaviour affects you, she can recognise her own emotions in yours, like a mirror, and be able to feel for you. So you might say, ‘I'm getting upset because there’s so much noise, and I can’t talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to change things for your sake.
Change the environment
You can often prevent or minimise problem behaviour by changing your child’s environment. For example, if your preschooler is getting frustrated because your baby keeps crawling over his jigsaw puzzle, try to find a quiet spot where your preschooler can play undisturbed.
You can often prevent or minimise problem behaviour by changing your child’s environment. For example, if your preschooler is getting frustrated because your baby keeps crawling over his jigsaw puzzle, try to find a quiet spot where your preschooler can play undisturbed.
Use consequences
When you explain the consequences of behaviour, your preschooler can figure out why something is wrong. This helps her understand the world around her. Sometimes it’s OK not to explain too.
When you explain the consequences of behaviour, your preschooler can figure out why something is wrong. This helps her understand the world around her. Sometimes it’s OK not to explain too.
Setting consequences for undesirable behaviour can help to change your child’s behaviour. Sometimes you won’t have to set a consequence at all. The natural consequences of your child’s behaviour will help him learn too – for example, feeling a bit cold because he wouldn’t put on a coat.
Time-out is a type of consequence. It involves having your child go to a place that’s away from interesting activities and other people for a short period of time. You can use it for particularly difficult behaviour, or when you and your child both need a break from each other.
Try rewards
Encouraging your child to change her behaviour can be tricky. But when children get praise, encouragement and rewards for behaving well, they’re likely to want to keep behaving well.
Encouraging your child to change her behaviour can be tricky. But when children get praise, encouragement and rewards for behaving well, they’re likely to want to keep behaving well.
Our Preschoolers Behaviour Toolkit has information on tailoring behaviour management strategies to your preschooler’s behaviour.
Discipline
Discipline is helping your child learn how to behave – as well as how not to behave. Discipline works best when it’s firm but fair and when you have a warm and loving relationship with your child.
Discipline doesn’t always, or even often, mean punishment. Punishment by itself doesn’t guide children towards what they should do – it teaches children only what they shouldn’t do.
Punishment doesn’t mean physical punishment. Physical punishment like smacking doesn’t teach children how to behave and can hurt children.
Contact a child health professional if you have concerns about your preschooler’s behaviour or you don’t know what to do about your child’s behaviour.
When your child’s behaviour is challenging you might feel angry or stressed. Looking after yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep and doing some physical activity can help. It can also help to talk about your feelings with someone you trust, like your partner, a friend or your GP. Or you could call aparenting helpline in your state or territory.
Managing Explosive Behaviours in Young Children.
I often hear that young children - preschool to kindergarten age are incapable of learning calming techniques, self-regulation and managing their explosive behaviours but in my line of work I have found the opposite to be true. The younger a child learns how to manage their emotions and regulate their body the more successful they will be at managing them throughout life.
The techniques are somewhat different but it is important and achievable for young children struggling with significant tantrums and outbursts, emotional dysregulation and explosive behaviours.
Teaching a child how they "feel" is extremely valid, important and valuable. "You're angry right now." "I can see that you are sad." Addressing and labelling those emotions is an important step but we also have to do show them and offer them strategies on what to do when they feel that overwhelm.
So, how do we do this? When dealing with a young explosive child we must give them an alternative to the explosive behaviour beyond just saying "you're mad!" We need to help them understand what to do when they feel that way. Blowing bubbles is an easy way to teach young children to calm and breathe - if you blow too hard the bubble pops, too soft it does not form. You can also use a ping pong ball or crumpled into a ball piece of paper to blow back and forth across a table - soccer breathing.
- Create a visual that depicts the steps the child should take when they are feeling angry - no more than 3 to 5 steps: Stop, Mad, sit, blow bubble.... Stop, gentle hands, wait, blow bubbles, squeeze.
-The steps depend on the cognitive ability of the child.
-Have a safe place for them to move to when they feel that way - teach them to go there - again create a visual where necessary.
-Have everything you need in that safe space - bubbles, a ball to squeeze, fidgets, feelings chart. Post the steps.
-Use very direct language with few words, pointing to the visual.
-Use the words, deep breath with blow bubbles.
-Be very consistent that any time an eruption happens this is the plan - always If you are outside or out return back to class or the car. Have visuals with you and bubbles at all times.
-Create a visual that shows hold hand, break. If the child is caught early in the cycle - teach them to ask for a break and recognize when they need one - or after they are calm.
-***NEVER take a child for a break in the middle of a crises - if you take them to do something they love they may begin to act out the receive this reward.
-Use intentional play to teach the calming strategies when the child is calm. "Look how angry bear is, he's i n the read zone what should he do?" Practice the bubbles and squeeze the bear or a ball.
Classroom Management to Address Student Anxiety
When a child doesn’t want to go to school in the morning, it’s not only tough on the child, but it’s tough on the parents too. No one wants to send their child off to school for the day when they’re crying, that’s why it’s so important for teachers to take the time to use classroom management to address any type of student anxiety. As a teacher, when you address this issue head on, you’re not only helping to reduce any fear or anxiety the student may have, but you’re also helping the students’ family. As an individual who has had anxiety both as a child and an adult, as well as had to deal with two children who have had it, this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I only wish I had a teacher who had taken the time to help me when I was a child. According to experts, about 10-20 percent of school-aged children experience anxiety symptoms, while about 2-5 percent of children refuse to go to school. While anxiety may not be happening to the majority of your students, it’s still happing to some of them. Luckily, there are a few ways that you can help to reduce a child’s anxiety. Here are a few classroom management suggestions.
Use Classroom Management to Have Students Focus on the Positive
Oftentimes, anxious students focus on the negatives: “I won’t do good on my test” or “My friends are mad at me.” This glass-half-empty mentality can have a real impact on their mood and behavior. Have students try and focus on the positive aspect of their life. Teach them how to “Turn it around,” and instead of saying to themselves that they won’t do well on their test, have them say, “I studied hard, so I’ll do good on my test” or “If I try hard, I’ll do just fine on my test.” Teaching students to change their mindset to be more positive, and can help them in every aspect of their life.
Teach Stress-Reduction Techniques
It’s normal for students to feel some sort of anxiety, especially before a big test. To help students relieve some of this anxiety, teach them a few stress-reduction techniques. For example, you can teach students that if they take a couple deep breaths before or during a test, it can help reduce stress. Another stress-relieving technique is to have students meditate. They can do this anytime they are feeling anxious throughout the day. Teach them to sit still and imagine they are in a comfortable, relaxing place. Once they are settled into their seats, they can slow-breathe in to a count of five and out for another count of five. If they do this for several breaths, it will calm their nerves and help them regain focus and be calm.
Encourage a Nightly Sleep Routine
Sleep is a huge factor when it comes to an anxious student. If a child isn’t getting enough sleep at night, it really impacts their emotional state. According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, sleep deprivation can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Talk with the student and their parents and encourage a nightly sleep schedule. Have the child start their routine about 45 minutes before they go to sleep. They can turn off all electronics, take a bath or shower, read a book, then go to bed. Make sure they are getting enough sleep as well. The National Sleep Foundation suggests that children ages 6-13 years old should have between 9-11 hours per night, while teens aged 14-17 should get 8-10 hours, and young adults ages 18-25 should get 7-9 hours of sleep per night.
Use Distraction
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, children who have anxiety are irritable, tired, have headaches, refuse to go to school, have separation anxiety, and may be defiant. If you notice a child who has any of these symptoms, find an activity that will distract them. For example, put them in charge of something or give them a classroom job, have them read a book, listen to quiet music, or any other activity to help alleviate any of the physical symptoms. Once you notice a positive change in their demeanor, then can return to normal class activities.
Remember, your goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety from the child, but to help them manage it. The best way to help a child is to remove any stress that can trigger their anxiety. You can also teach them stress-reduction techniques so they can learn to function as best as they can when they’re feeling anxious. In time, their anxiety will slowly decrease.
Do you have any classroom management tips or techniques that work well for your anxious students? Please share with us in the comment section below, we’d love to hear from you on this topic.
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